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The Teammate That Throws You Under the Bus

Posted by caaponte on March 26, 2017 in University Life

Let me set the stage for you the best I can without giving out too much information.

I worked on a research project this past summer with a student from another university and this past weekend we presented our work. We had some fallouts over the summer but our relationship was very “brother-sister” like. Sometimes he made me feel like I was inadequate…sometimes he made me cry from laughing…and other times he saved us from when I got us lost. When you’re abroad with someone, you learn a lot about each other. You have to be there to fill in the gaps where they need you. And that’s exactly what we did.

Fast forward to last week – he texted me a few days beforehand to make sure I had printed out our manuscript so that I could go over it with the judges. “Wear something nice to impress the judges. See you soon!” All from a good place. We are both competitive (the route of our earlier disputes) and we both wanted to win the poster competition. I spent the next couple days nervously going through our manuscript, past literature, and things I felt the judges might ask us.

Fast forward to the day before our presentation – I was the last of our cohort to arrive to Boston where the conference was held. He had arrived earlier that morning and had taken a nap while waiting for me to arrive. I go to his hotel room, so excited to see him after all this time, and we catch up quickly before I notice he started to brush off what I was saying to instead read over our manuscript. Okay, work time. I can pick up social cues. So I pull out mine and start going over what I wanted to make sure we highlighted in our presentation.

Beep. Ring. Zzzzzz. His phone keeps going off.

First of all – who leaves their phone on like that when they’re not by themselves. I looked at him (in efforts to get moving on what we would be presenting in less than 12 hours) and said, “What sections did you want to present? I’m comfortable with any section.” He looked up at me (and at this point I see he is looking over the Introduction) and said, “I don’t know. I have to go over this first. It’s been a looooong time since I’ve looked at this.” And to that – I’m left annoyed that someone would make sure I have it together when they are napping and taking their time to go over it.

Fast forward to 10 minutes before our presentation – I’m freaking out. Nerves have a weird way of creeping up on me and I went blank on everything I had reviewed.

Fast forward to Judge #1 – Breathe Christina, just breathe. I remembered what my mentors from CSTEP had told me before. You are the expert of your research project. No one knows it better than you do.

Fast forward to when I regained my confidence – Got a question? I have an answer. I was able to answer the judges thrown at me from the judges with ease all thanks to the preparation I had put in. Now, we didn’t win the poster competition (although how cool would that have been?) but I did feel as though I accomplished something great. After what was a rough last semester, I finally regained my confidence and felt a lot less of “Am I cut out for this?” and more of “I am ready for whatever you can throw at me.”

Fast forward to right now – I am on a plane back to my hometown of Rochester, NY and I am enjoying my window seat. I complimented my research partner on his delivery of the biological mechanisms after the awkward silence following our first presentation. I think my nervousness made him more nervous. But we’re a team, right? And I pulled it together for what I thought was a successful presentation. I just wish he said something…anything…so I could hear SOME feedback. As a team, neither of us is better than the other. Because if I fall, so does he and vise versa. So if he could do a little less talking about how stressful it is at an Ivy League school and how tired he is and how much work he has to do – I would feel more respected as his teammate.

Fast forward to the future – the student and I remained in touch post-abroad but as for where we go in the future…I’m not so sure. I hope to always remain in contact but now I feel as though we have lost that “I’ll be there to build you up when you’re down”-type relationship. He’s not better than me and I’m not better than him. We were teammates as far as I am concerned. Just because I do not go to an Ivy League school, does not mean that I was not accepted into the same summer program as he was. Anyways, onto the next project….my time at UB isn’t over just yet.

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